Advice for Cheaters
July 10th 1999
Sometimes one can run into some good cheating advice on rgp. Here's my contribution. Needless to say, the following is applicable in tightest as well as loosest games.
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Izmet Fekali)
Subject: Re: How do you cheat in poker
Date: 07 Jul 1999 00:00:00 GMT
NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 07 Jul 1999 17:03:00 MET DST
Donald G Perry wrote:
> I prefer the "astral projection" technique which involves an "out of body"
> experience. Simply allow your mind to peek over your opponents shoulder at
> their cards and act accordingly.
I find this technique not useful. Many opponents squeeze their cards close to the west, and it is impossible to get a peek over their shoulders even when astral-projecting.
I much prefer my Superman-type x-ray vision, which enables me to read their cards from the back.
Another technique I find useful is to wear my extra strong telescope contact lenses. With those, I can read the reflection of the card faces off the opponent's eye irises.
If you have an opponent who peeks at his cards at table level, you can present him with a nice gift: a pen with miniature camera. If he places it in front of him, the camera will be positioned nicely behind his cards while he peeks at them.
A friend of mine uses a following technique: as the individual cards are inherently different to each other (albeit by extremely small amount), no two cards make the same sound when they hit the felt. It's the trivial to set up a sound recording device which feeds the data to a laptop computer which in turn can recognize the sound of a card hitting the felt and therefore tell you (via small wristwatch monitor) which cards the opponent is holding. Of course, it's easy to counterattack this technique by whistling the wrong sounds while cards are being dealt and therefore mislead the cheater into making huge mistakes. Therefore, I do not recommend this cheating technique. It's much simpler to have a good-looking babe walk past the table and simply to pick up the opponent's cards to have a good and unmistaken look at them while he is looking over his shoulders sizing up the babe's mammalian protruderances.
Hope this helps.
Burek Experts Ltd.